Monday, January 23, 2012

Puke Protocol

Happy Monday!  Isn't a discussion on vomit exactly how you want to start your week?  If your kiddos are over the age of five this post probably won't do more than remind you how thankful you are to be out of this particular season of motherhood but for those of you with birth thru five age kids listen up.  There was about a two year period where my little lovelies caught every stomach bug that came down the I-35 corridor.  I am not kidding.  It was so ridiculous that outsiders where starting to suggest we should have our home tested for mold, carbon monoxide, etc...

Well, it stopped as abruptly as it started so there was no testing necessary but the situation caused us to greatly refine how we deal with the pukes around here.  Here is what we learned:

#1.  Kids rarely puke just once.

#2.  You usually have a 15 minute window between pukes.

#3.  Before you clean up puke 1 get the child on a beach towel next to an empty tub.  We use a clear plastic storage tub about the size of a small box of diapers and beach towels are just way easier to clean than sheets.

#4.  Demonstrate to child how to lean over tub on all fours.

#5.  When they start puking put your arm under the chest to support them so that they do not lie down and puke on the floor while heaving.

#6.  We hose the tub out in the backyard.  Hopefully you were not home alone for all of this and you and your partner are splitting the duties.  For us one person takes care of the child and getting the new area set up while the other cleans up the midnight surprise, because of course it happened in the middle of the night.

#7.  They get nothing to suck or sip until they have gone 60 min puke free.

#8.  They will act like you are dehydrating them.  Be strong.  Nothing good will come from giving them a drink too soon.  I will admit that I have been suckered in more than once and have regretted it every time.

#9.   After an hour they can try a popsicle.  We keep the skinny plastic tube kind on hand year around.  They are also good when you need to ice a busted lip.  Once they have kept the first popsicle down for an hour they can have another.  Stick to popsicles for at least two hours.  Once they have been problem free for two hours we will allow sipping on a drink.  At the four hour mark we allow toast, waffles or something along those lines as the reentry food.

#10.  Our weirdo kids are thrilled when they get sick because they know it means that they will get to spend the day in the living room on a plastic blow up mattress and watch as much tv as they want.  The plastic blow up bed is worth the purchase even if you will only use it on sick days.  We just inflate it and at the end of the day wipe it down with disinfectant wipes.  I am all about reducing the sick laundry.  Beach towels and blow up beds are much easier to clean up than quilts, sheets and carpet.  

So, there you have it.  Just Mama Jenni's puke 101 class.  In a million years I never thought I would say those words.  Wow.  Life is just funny. 

Hope you each have a happy and puke free day.

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