Thursday, October 27, 2011

The F Bomb

So.  The phone rings after dinner.  It is Gabe from #1's second grade class.  He needs to apologize for teaching #1 the "F-word" and then his 14-year old brother got on the phone to take responsibility for the situation because it was him that taught Gabe the "F-word".  Great.  Now what?  I want to finish up bedtime routine with the kids and go snuggle up with my DVR but I guess I need to go see what #1 knows about the "F-word".

Me:  "Come here buddy.  I need to chat with you."

#1:  "What?"

Me:  "Hey.  Gabe just called and he said that he needed to apologize for teaching you some bad words today.  what happened?

#1:  "Oh yeah, he told David he was going to rearrange his face!"

Me:  "That is bad!  but he acted like maybe he said some other things too."

#1:  "Do you mean like curse words?"

Me:  "Maybe?  I am not really sure."

#1: "Well, he did say something about the F-word, but I don't know what that means."

Me:  "Ohhhh.  The F-word.  Do you know what it is?"

#1:  (hesitation)

Me:  "You won't get in trouble.  You can say it."

#1:  "Frock?"

Me:  "Frock?  That is bad.  I bet that is the one he got in trouble for."

#1:  "What does it mean?"

Me:  "It is when a boy puts his penis in a girl's vagina."

#1: "WHAT!!!  GROSS!   WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT!"

Me:  "I don't know.  Was he mad?  Sometimes when people are mad they say the worst thing they can think of. "

#1:  "(still horrified)  That is disgusting."

Me:  "I agree..."

First of all let me say it was extremely hard to keep a straight face during the above conversation.  I am so glad I approached the topic assuming he knew nothing.  I heard Dr. Phil say once that it is best to answer kid's questions honestly and simply.  Do not give them more information than they need.

For example, #1 was more concerned about Gabe saying he was going to "rearrange a face" than he was with cussing.  I also chose to leave "frock" uncorrected.  I figure he will learn the correct term on his own soon enough but I did choose to give him the correct definition.  #1 and I have had several talks about body parts and their purposes.  I knew he would know what I was saying and I was pretty sure he would be grossed out.  He has stated several times that he does not want to mate with a girl.  I was right.  He freaked out and  my guess is won't be repeating "frock" anytime soon.  ;)  

I also want to say kudos to Gabe's parents.  How awesome are they?  Not only did they make Gabe call me but they also made the 14-year old brother call.  Good for them! I am pretty sure both boys would have rather been beat with a switch than dial my phone number.

The two things I took away from tonight's entertainment was:
1.  It is good to assume nothing and question your child to discover what their level of understanding is when discussing mature matters.

2.  I want to make my kid's own up to their actions and have the courage to admit a mistake even if it is humiliating. 

I decided to skip the DVR and read a book instead.  I was at my drama limit for the day. ;)

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