Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Running On Empty

I am tired. I am not talking about sleepy. I mean tired. I don't even really remember what it feels like to function completely rested.

Some of this problem is my fault. It is true I stay up too late. I should go to bed when the kids do. I know this but I need my personal space and the only hours that is an option around here is between 9pm and 6am. This is when I read, blog, bathe, watch tv and sit. Is this too much to ask for? I don't think so. I choose to give myself a few hours and then I go to bed. Now, if that was the end if the story I would be okay, but this is just the beginning of our nightly routine.

I am asleep about two hours when #1 will sleep walk or sleep talk. Sometimes he needs assistance sometimes he doesn't but regardless I can't sleep through the event. This usually steals an hour to 45 min of my night. Some nights this is the only interruption but usually no.

Bless #2's sweet soul.  He is my sleeper and rarely contributes to the mayhem.  I must remember to look into the pet whale he has requested.  He has all the logistics worked out.

#3 is at the age where it is not uncommon for teething, poo or blanket issues to cause her to need something. And if she does need something it seems to always be about the time I have just gone back to sleep. So I kiss another hour good bye.

This leaves me just enough time to reach a deep sleep for about 30 min and then it's rise and shine. Now this is not always the exact scenario but it is a realistic example. For 8 years I have had my sleep interrupted by pregnancy or children.  I. Am. Exhausted.

I am also a little pessimistic in this area.  I don't see it getting better any time soon so I accept it and carry on.  It is not the kiddos fault that they sleep walk, teeth or need another blanket.  I will choose to not be cranky.  It is a choice.  Being tired does not give me a free pass to be rude to my family.  No one benefits from me having a bad attitude.

What I can do is make an effort to go to bed earlier and make time for things that energize me.  For me these things include:  exercising, being outdoors, girls night out, reading, Wednesday morning bible study with friends and the occasional overnight getaway with my hubby or friends.  The hard part is not feeling guilty when I take some  "me time". I know,  I know, I don't need to feel guilty.  I have learned that I cannot remove the guilt but I will take the time despite the guilt.

I don't know if there will come a day that the guilt doesn't make me want to cancel my plans as I am walking out the door but I do know that I am always refreshed and  happy on my return and everybody loves a happy mama!

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